I love Trip, missed him so much..Emma, Merry, Fexy, Taylor. God you people are wonerful !!

Oh and I missed Seragil too, kinda. Oh alright loads, but thats not the point

Oooo wait! Love you guys.

Where does dust come from, and what damn right has it got to settle on my book... I blame..I will think of something suitably random later. What use is a book if it has no words to grace its page? Even if it is just drivvle.

I miss Shawna, yes I know..its been a long time and yet I still do. I always will. It all seems a little dull without her...well, it all seems a little grey anyway these days and no matter how much I attempt to add colour, it just seems to bleed away and I am left feeling...drained. Perhaps it is just me, well lets be honest...it IS just me, but muh, I have made excuses for myself for so long Im not sure I have any left.

I guess really I tried to leave, to leave for good. Maybe I am still trying to, but I can't. People keep pulling me back. I miss them, need to hear their voices or feel the touch of their humour, and I wake just to know they are still here. That I can reach them, see them.

GAH, enough melodrama..I blame...dammit, I have to blame me.

That just sucks.

I just took the time to read a few of my entries from before I slept. My god was I that miserable, I must have made everyone around me miserable also. What happened to me? That this world could take everything I held dear and just twist it so completely. Its madness. Meloncholy madness.

Muh still, it wasnt all that bad, sheesh. I can be such a drama queen sometimes. I dont know how anyone puts up with me, wait..they dont! I think I sound a little happier, do I sound happier? Gah its not important, whats important is I can look back over it and ..though it all hurt me so deeply, it wont scar, it passes. In the moment when things are happening it all seems so dire, so unjust. Time tempers alot of things I guess. Teaches us a little perspective and lets us heal.

So dust to it all, if I wasnt suh a stickler for memories I would burn the pages from my book, but every experience teaches us something, and to learn from it we have to face it. That one taught me a little more about trust. Its a very very complex thing is trust, all emotion based things are. Its so much easier when we have a set standard to say. "right, yep, Im on that level of trust. Great job". But you cant, it means something different to everyone, so you just have to deal with things as they come.

I read his book, that was the very last thing I was expecting but there it was. Awww he is right, I have turned him into a puppy. I know you are reading this thief and I know that you are seething with indignation right now..Im laughing, just so you know.

Ya just gotta love some people, they brighten your life. Tell them thank you, it will be worth it...so

Sorynn, Bryggy, Merry, Taylor, Urey, Ram, Kaghn, Ermin (even though you are mean to me), curiously Ryann, Gar. Emzie, Elly, Gareth, Gareth and more Gareth, Tewar, and well, you get the picture.

Love you guys and thank you so much for the kind words...you all make me smile so much

I woke, it felt...good, surprisingly good. I have missed it, this, you...everything. I had lost the fun of life, the want to be awake, involved. Mayhap I have found it again, maybe not. We shall see, but for now, for today... I had a great time, I remembered who I was, and that was part of what I had lost.

But, where did everyone go?

Oh to sleep in the sweet embrace of love, how I yearn for it so.
To rest weary, my head 'pon its pillow
To feel warmth wrapped snug in its arms
To drift through the scent of its meadow
To lose oneself to its charms

Oh to sleep in the sweet embrace of love, how I yearn for it so.
Caught in the wake of its ride,
Awash in the thrall of its storm
Adrift on the swell of its tide
Melding to the curves of its form.

Oh to sleep in the sweet embrace of love, how I yearn for it so.
The smiles lost of a morning
The whispers thrown to a night
The flicker of passion dawning
The comfort born into light.